Padded Walls
Another fine fanfic brought you by Angelinhel
Disclaimer: Daria, all related characters and whatnot are the
property of MTV/Viacom. Now you can抰 sue me, so there. Neener, neener. Three
dialogue sections are quoted from the episodes 揟he Invitation ? 揗onster?and
揝appy Anniversary? I抦 sure you can figure out which ones they are.
Feel free to reproduce,
post, display in your dreary cubicle, just put my name and email on it!
Summary: Ever wonder why Quinn can抰 remember Jaime抯 name?
Why she really started calling Daria her cousin? Why Tiffany is so slow?
Stacy so suggestible? Or the truth behind why Quinn loves to have guys at her
feet?
Daria opened the door to Quinn抯
room, Helen was right behind her.
揌ow is she??Helen asked in a
tired, dead sort of voice.
揟he usual. She had a date every night this week. And of course the 3 Js, as we call them, are always around. The Fashion Club meetings... ?Daria replied. She pitied Helen, having a daughter like Quinn was no easy task.
揘othing new??
揥ell, there are a few new names
added to the social roster.?Daria answered.
揜eally? Is that good??Helen
sounded hopeful. Daria hated to crush that hope.
揑抦 afraid not. It抯 most likely
a sign she抯 going to remain as she is. She doesn抰 seem to want to give up the
image she抯 created.?
Helen looked at her daughter lying
on the bed and a single tear ran down her cheek.
揗uh-oooom! I have to go that
party! Sandi said she抯 going to wear her new over-the-knee knee socks and a
new suede skirt and if I don抰 go then Bryan will ask her to the party next
weekend and I'll have to go with Jordan and his parents said he can抰 drive the
Lexus anymore, and it抯 not like he wrecked it, it was just a scratch and if he
had gone the way I told him he wouldn抰 have hit that bush on that disgusting
dirt road and then I could go with him but now that he抯 driving a Honda, and I
just can抰 mother, I just can抰!?
Quinn briefly pauses in her tirade
to take a breath and gauge how much more it would take to get her mom to give
in. She is momentarily thwarted. Momentarily.
Helen抯 cell phone rings,
揌ellooo? Eric!?Helen walks off discussing her most recent case, but is
stopped by the continuation of Quinn抯 whining. 揙h, all right Quinn! You can
go, but you have to be home by 10.?Helen says, exasperated.
揗idnight.?o:p>
揈leven.?o:p>
揈leven-thirty.?o:p>
揇one.?/p>
揇one.?/p>
揌ey, Quinn, can I carry your books??begged Jeffy.
揌ey, Quinn, can I carry your... pencil??Joey wasn抰
about to let Jeffy get all the attention.
揌ey, Quinn, can I carry your, uh, um... got anything
else??asked Jaime, he was too late, he thought, there抯 nothing left.
揂 hair scrunchie??Quinn loved that they fell all
over themselves for her.
揋reat!?
揇on抰 hurt yourself with that scrunchie.?Daria
said. Quinn ignored her.
揑s that your sister??asked Jaime
揇on't pry, Joey.?Quinn said dismissively.
揑'm Jamie.?
揥hatever.?It抯 not like it mattered, Quinn thought
to herself.
揂re your cousin and her friend going to follow us
everywhere we go??Sandi asked in a petulant voice.
?/span>揑 told you,
just ignore them.?Quinn repeated.
揧ou always say that about them, but they don't
usually have a camera.?Tiffany said in a slow, vacant voice.
揑t's a little project that I got um, forced into. By
the way, which do you think is my best side??Quinn asked the boy she had
gotten to give them a ride to the pizza place.
揟hey're both good.?Zachary replied eagerly.
揑 know, but this side has my better dimples. Um,
guy? Would you find out if they have those cheese less pizzas??
揝ure! And, um, it's Zachary?
揥hy did you invite that guy??Sandi demanded
揑 thought you were going steady with Larry this
week.?Tiffany barely managed to keep up with the current conversation.
揕arry totaled his car. Zachary's got his Mom's car.?
揧ou're so smart Quinn. You always think ahead,?gushed Stacy.
揟hese are for Quinn.?Said the delivery boy, handing
flowers to Daria, 揧ou must be Daria.?span style="mso-spacerun: yes">?He extends his hand for a tip.
揌mm... ?She looks at his hand. 揑t says here that
people keep closing doors in your face.?
揌ey, do you think your sister might want to go out with... ?o:p>
Daria closes the door, cutting him off, and walks
into the kitchen, where Quinn is putting more flowers into a vase.
揌mm...lots of flowers. And chocolates. Did you come
down with a debilitating illness and forget to share the good news??
Quinn looks at Daria exasperated, 揇aria, it's not like I ask guys to buy me presents. I merely suggest.?o:p>
Daria reaches for the cards. 揇aria! That's personal!?Quinn picks up the cards and reads them aloud. 揌appy one year since you borrowed a pen from me. Love, Joey. I'll always remember the day you first asked me to get you a soda. Love, Jeffy. These flowers should be twice as big as Jeffy's because I paid twice as much. Love... I can't seem to make out this handwriting. ?o:p>
揓oey, Jeffy, Jameel厰 Quinn greeted the three Js.
揑t抯 Jaime!?
揥hatever.?o:p>
Helen was caught up in memories of
Quinn. How had it all gone so wrong? She knew. It was her fault. No, wait, it
wasn抰, not really. It was her husband抯 fault. Damn him. Look what he抯
done to her! Helen choked back a sob and turned to Daria.
揥e抳e made some conclusions after
observing Quinn for the past few weeks.?Daria led Helen to a vacant room.
揚(yáng)lease sit.?She gestured to an empty chair.
Helen sat, afraid yet relieved to
finally hear some answers, even though she knew it wouldn抰 be good news.
Somehow, she had known that from the beginning. She looked at Daria. Dr.
Griffin actually, she thought, but by now they were on a first-name basis. Quinn
could抳e been a doctor, she reflected, noticing the dark-haired woman
sitting across from her. Still fairly young, Daria Griffin was pretty, long
black hair, sharp but still feminine features. If she wore too much make up,
had messy hair and scanty Goth clothes, Helen could almost imagine her being in
a grunge band. She shook off her wandering thoughts.
Daria began by confirming information
they had already gone over, numerous times.
Helen had had Quinn with her first
husband, Jake. She was a very bright, though serious little girl, but gradually
warmed up and had several close friends through elementary school, mostly met
through accelerated after-school programs and art classes. Then Jake had died
of a heart attack when Quinn was 12. Helen had been very depressed and lonely,
but tried to keep things together for Quinn抯 sake. She had met Joseph Jeffries
a year later. He was a godsend at the time, or so she had thought. He helped
out around the house, even watched Quinn when she got home from school so that
Helen could go back to work and try to pull her life back together. They
married quickly. Helen thought she was so lucky to find someone like him,
undemanding, supportive. She wasn抰 really in love, but they helped each other,
and it seemed like the perfect arrangement.
As it turned out, Joseph was
really after Quinn all along. Helen found out when she came home early one day.
It still sickened her to think about it. Her poor little girl. Quinn was 14 and
Joseph had beaten and abused her for almost a year. He never left marks where
normal clothes wouldn抰 cover it. He had threatened to hurt Helen if she
talked, so Quinn had never said anything. Helen had no way to know something
was wrong. She was still battling her own depression and had missed the more
subtle signs of abuse. She had him arrested and he would be locked away for a
long time. Quinn had even testified. Helen thought things might be all right.
Then Quinn had started to withdraw from old friends and activities. The
councilor Quinn was seeing asked Helen about Quinn抯 new friends. As far as
Helen knew, she didn抰 have any new friends, and her school didn抰 have a
Fashion Club. That抯 when it all fell apart.
Quinn had started to build her own
world, most likely right after the abuse had begun. Victims often create a
搒afe?place where they can mentally escape. Quinn抯 was leaking into her real
life. It wasn抰 long before Quinn started to live almost exclusively in her
mind. Helen had had her committed. Quinn had crated a whole existence similar
to her real life, but one where she was in control. She rarely came out of it
long enough to speak to the doctors, they gathered most of their information
from conversations Quinn had aloud with the people in her mind. Helen had been
there during one, she抎 cried for days afterwards. Quinn even took on a
different voice for each person.
Daria began, 揥hat we抳e determined is, Quinn has assigned new identities to herself and everyone she knew. She抯 created relationships she can deal with. The relationship we considered most important is the one she has with 搕hree Js? They dote on her and she has absolute control over everything they do. They often physically harm each other because of her. Joey and Jeffy are normally her focus. I抦 sure you can guess where this stems from.?o:p>
揓oseph Jeffries,?Helen whispered, she hated that name. 揥hat about the other boy, Jaime??o:p>
揥e抮e not sure why she created three. He doesn抰 seem as important as the other two. She doesn抰 seem to be able to remember his name, or even those of most of the other male figures. We think she just wants a number of males to dominate. She is never physical with any of them. Not even kissing, so far as we can gather. She is still afraid of male physical contact in her world.?o:p>
揥hat about her new friends? And
the Fashion Club??Helen had a burning question but wasn抰 ready for the answer
just yet.
揟he Fashion Club.?Daria repeated. 揓effries was attracted to her physically. He also left revealing marks on her. It may be that in her world Quinn spends time on her looks to control how others see her. Her clothing in particular may be due to a subconscious need to draw attention to her body, perhaps in the hopes something will be revealed.?o:p>
揂nd Sandi and the others??o:p>
揥ell, Sandi is the only strong, controlling personality besides Quinn. Their passive aggressive relationship may be a manifestation of Quinn抯 feelings during the abuse or Sandi could be a version of Jeffries. Quinn wanted to do something, but couldn抰 because of her fear for your safety. Sandi has the same method of controlling her, using her fear of something. In this case, abandonment and exclusion. It may be a way for Quinn to work out her helplessness issues. She wants to fight back, but can抰 bring herself to. Perhaps as she deals with her feelings about the abuse she will begin to stand up to Sandi. Sandi has the same last name as me. I think Quinn feels I抦 trying to 揷ontrol?her as well, or is resentful of my interfering with her 搉ew life.?Stacy is probably a manifestation of her need to please even when she didn抰 agree, again due to control through fear. Tiffany seems to have no relation to the abuse. It may be why she talks so slow and doesn抰 seem to fit in with the rest of the group. Quinn hasn抰 really assigned her a personality or a purpose, much like Jaime. She may have some future need for them, but as of right now, they抮e unimportant.?/p>
揂nd me? Jake??Helen was almost
pleading. 揥hy did she make me such a career-driven bitch? I always made time
for her, always! I was home by six almost every night, and I never worked on
the weekends. I made it part of my contract!?Helen had started to cry.
揌elen, don抰 blame yourself. The
way Quinn has portrayed you is probably because she wanted to tell you but
couldn抰. She hoped you would notice or find out and rescue her, which you did,
eventually. She抯 offsetting blame onto you for not noticing sooner, and
created a reason for you not to, other than you didn抰 care. She knew you
cared. She had to find another reason. In her mind-world, you couldn抰
have noticed. Not being around would抳e made it virtually impossible. As for
Jake, she loved her real dad. From what you抳e told me he remained pretty much
unchanged. He was never a threat and she retained him as is. This was a great
way for her to 慴ring him back??span style="mso-spacerun: yes">?
Helen nodded. Jake had been a bit
flaky and had hated his father, but he was sweet and loved Quinn more than
anything. She wished she could bring him back, too.
Now for the most disturbing
question. 揥hy a sister??Quinn was an only child.
Daria sighed. 揇aria is Quinn.?Helen looked surprised, confused, then suddenly it made sense. Daria continued, 換uinn split her personality into someone she was before the abuse and someone who could deal with life after the abuse. Daria is more antisocial and cynical than the old Quinn, but from what we know, she looks like the real Quinn and has more of her personality and habits. The new Quinn is almost pure manifestations of qualities that she feels would抳e saved her or would help to avoid the same situation again. Every boy does what she tells him, they can抰 control her. She抯 popular, the more people around her the better chance someone would notice something wrong.?Daria paused, 擮ften in abuse cases a second personality develops, one that can handle the abuse, in Quinn抯 case the second personality came with a whole world she can deal with.?Seeing the question in Helen抯 eyes she went on. 揑 think she gave her 憇ister?my name because deep down she knows I抦 trying to help her. In her mind, she often asks Daria for help with deeper issues.?o:p>
揥hy does she call Daria her
cousin? Why won抰 she admit she抯 her sister to her friends??Helen remembered
Dr. Griffin had mentioned Quinn frequently called her sister her cousin in the
last session. They had just been giving her updates on what her daughter抯
搇ife?was like. They hadn抰 given her any reasons why it had happened until
now.
揑t may be her new self is ashamed that her old self allowed the abuse, even though she knew it was wrong. She goes back and forth between sister and cousin depending on the person she抯 talking to and how she thinks they抣l react. Maybe if she resolves her victim抯 guilt, she抣l admit Daria抯 her sister, or even merge the two back together.?o:p>
揇oes she talk to Daria often??o:p>
揘o. But occasionally she抣l 揵e?Daria and we can follow her life. We have hopes there. Daria seems to be on the path to a normal life. She has intimacy issues, which is understandable, but seems to be making progress. She has a friendship with a male who she doesn抰 control but isn抰 afraid of. It could be something to follow. She seems to be afraid to make it possible. She抯 set up a number of ways to sabotage it. Best friend抯 brother, much older, total opposite personality, we don抰 know where that抯 going.?o:p>
揂nd Daria抯 best friend? Jane?
She sounds like Quinn抯 old friends厰 Helen抯 eyes grew sad.
揟hat抯 what we thought, too. She抯 retained some ties to who she was.?o:p>
揝o there抯 no hope she抣l come
back??Helen looked defeated.
揟here抯 always hope. Maybe she抣l work through her issues using the world she抯 created and come out of it. Maybe she抣l delve so deep we won抰 even hear her conversations anymore, and live out her life in her mind. We can抰 say. I抦 sorry, Helen. We抣l keep you updated.?o:p>
揟hank you, doctor.?o:p>
Helen walked down the hall and
looked through the window into her daughter抯 room. Quinn was lying on the bed,
staring at the ceiling, her mind lost in its fantasy life. 揑抦 so sorry
Quinn.?At least I抦 in there somewhere?/i>
-End-
Author抯 Notes: I thought this was a totally original idea, until I
was about halfway through planning it out. Then I realized it was very similar
to an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer I saw about a year ago. So I guess I
should thank them for the inspiration.
I抦 not a psychologist, but
I have taken numerous psych classes in college and in trying to resolve some of
my own issues have discovered interesting things about the human psyche.
Victims of physical and sexual abuse do often create a second or even multiple
personalities to escape the reality of the abuse or deal with possible future
abuse (watch the movie 揝ybil?it抯 a true story and a good example). Some
victims of violence cut all ties with reality in self-preservation and live
completely in their heads. So, this story has some basis in reality.
There are some characters in
揇aria?that I thought never really fit in the show. Tiffany for example,
especially in the later episodes. She isn抰 someone Sandi can really control
(you have to be conscious for that) and doesn抰 seem to have a function. She
doesn抰 move the plot along, provide comic relief or even provide an
interesting counterpoint to anything. I抳e always wondered why no one can
remember Jaime抯 name. It抯 not that unusual or complicated. This story had
interesting solutions, I thought.
Did you catch who Dr. Daria
Griffin was? Monique. I was going to put in that Quinn really wanted a
nurturing male figure (Trent seems to be pretty good at caring about Jane) and
Monique (another appearance of the doctor who抯 trying to 揷ontrol?her) was
yet another obstacle preventing intimacy, but it seemed like it was getting too
long. I had to explain Daria抯 involvement with her own social circle, but
Quinn抯 immediate relationships needed to be more important. This is the same
reason I left out Barch as a controlling man-hater and O扤eil as a weak male.
The adult/teacher relationships were not important here.
Questions? Comments?
Nutrition Information? Email me. I love feedback.
Copyright (sort of) Angelinhel April 2003.